Pressure in the Pain
So, I've been going through some trials and tribulations lately.
And, one of my bestfriends just texted me and asked me for advice on how to deal with a painful situation that's going on in her life. So, I figured I would transfer what I was saying to her and place it on a bigger platform because you never know what someone is going through.
People are put under so much pressure in life. School, work, spouse, kids, and just being successful, but I don't think we realize how much pressure we put on ourselves and others while dealing with pain. Everyone deals with pain differently, and I think that's something that we just don't accept or understand sometimes.
So, here's some tips on how to forget about, and/or relieve that pressure and how to truly get through your pain.
1. Feel it.
Literally, feel it, embrace it, know it, learn it, because once you know pain, "your" pain, you will know how to deal with it and tackle it head on each and every time it occurs. It makes you who you are, and it is your story.
You may not ever forget, but it's your best bet is to forgive. No, you don't have to forgive right away, in a week, in a month, or even years, but you do have to work towards forgiveness, especially if you have to forgive yourself. Once, you begin to forgive, the healing process becomes so much easier. Most of the time, people just say they forgive someone, or they force their forgiveness to try and move on. But, then they realize that the past comes back to haunt them. Why? Because they didn't give themselves time to truly heal.
3. It's okay to ask for help.
I am a firm believer in "the only person that can remove yourself out of a painful situation is YOU!" But, I do know that there's help surrounding you as well. If you ever feel like you can't handle the pressure or it's too much just ask for help. Call your bestfriend, brother, sister, loved ones, an anonymous hotline and just say I need you, I need your help. I'm not okay. PSA: DO NOT CONTACT ANYONE THAT HAS CAUSED YOU PAIN. Don't even enter the scene, or situation in any way, shape, or form. That can make things worse, and you can take 50 steps backward when you are trying to move forward. But, if you do, truly think about if that's the best option for you.
4. Deal with it, how you deal with it, on your own terms.
Everyone has an opinion, and its okay to ask for advice. But, you can only deal with your situation how you feel you need to deal with it because if you don't then it's not genuine, and you'll eventually have to start your healing process over, from the beginning. So, just stay true to yourself, without harming others around you.
5. Look at the bigger picture.
This is one that I have a hard time with myself because it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when it is covered in darkness. But, truly think about how many things you've conquered that you didn't think you would make it through, and think of your situation as one of those things. You've made it this far, there's no reason to look back now.
6. Be open minded.
It can be hard trying to stay positive when you're in such a negative space. But, it's the only thing that will keep you pushing through. Just be open, open to your situation, open to talking, trying new things, thinking new ideas, and to change. Because pain will cause a huge unexpected shift in your life, that you need to be ready for. Positivity will handle that unexpected that change.
People do this very differently, sometimes too much, sometimes not at all. You have to find that balance and know that you have let yourself and others know what's going on with you so you can know how to handle yourself, and others can know how to handle you as well. If you need time to yourself, let your loved ones know, don't just go MIA. Simple communication can eliminate so many problems that may occur while you're on this journey.
8. Evaluate yourself.
This is something that everyone goes through because honestly, no one wants to be the PROBLEM. No, wants to admit it, but you have to realize it takes two to tango, and you have to look at yourself in the situation and ask yourself ''Where did I go wrong?" You must know the part/role you played in your situation. Once you figure out that answer, you will never make the same mistake again.
9. Find the mistakes, and learn from it.
It's a simple as that. You must know the wrong turns that you took so you won't go down the same path again. Sometimes we focus so much on the fact that we are hurt that we don't even know what went wrong in the situation. Then there's no growth because you don't even know the problem.
10. Time heals all, so be patient.
Everything takes time, but pain takes the most time. Why? Because it's not tangible, and if you do not care for it properly it can be immortal. It's almost scary because it can take over your life and you won't even know it. So, I know you want to be over it, done with it, washing your hands of it, but that takes time, it's not going to happen in a day, and that's okay. It doesn't make you weak, stupid, or different. It actually makes you stronger, because you have the patience to deal with something that you don't want to deal with, but you are because you want to be a better YOU.
11. The past is the past.
This is a big one because people always tend to live in the past, bring up the past, others even talk about your past, and yes it's your story, but you have to know when to separate yourself from it. Why? Because not everything in your past defines you. Everyone makes mistakes and you have to know how to walk away and never look back, and that is one of the hardest things to do, but sometimes it's not about what you want it's about what you need.
12. Be willing to fight.
You must be willing to fight for your happiness, your sanity, your energy, and your peace because without it, you are nothing. Don't ever give up on yourself. You are not alone. You will win.